Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love you. Go after that dick
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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