Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
