his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
