i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
