Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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