lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
