im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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