$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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