No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
