I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize