then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
