girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
