I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
