Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
