I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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