This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
