we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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