My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize