Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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