God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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