i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
