Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize