That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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