Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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