we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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