I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
