God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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