I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
