morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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