Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
