I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he shaved USA in his pubs
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
