The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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