I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
