I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
