Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
