You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
