You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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