bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
