from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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