I accidentally had phone sex last night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
