you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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