just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I need to stop coming to work sober
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Rumble strips road head = magical
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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