Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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