Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
