i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
