I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
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