you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
