he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
