he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
