So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
