Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize