i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i came on her dog
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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