i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
