i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize