my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
