i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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