After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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