you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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