New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize