It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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