chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
