I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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