we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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