I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
