mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
