Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
