I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
