she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize