I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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