1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am available for nakedness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
