I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I see more hoeing in ur future
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