She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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