My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Less talking, more tequila
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
