the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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