you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
