I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
