I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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