I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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