Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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