plz talk dirty to me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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