Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
