I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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