im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize