She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
