Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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