I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
