I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize