I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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