everyone is single if you try hard enough
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
