i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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