Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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