Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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