I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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