I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
