Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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