That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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