I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
