we're blogging at a bar
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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