Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
