I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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