Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
