there's paper in my vomit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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